spinning circles of control
by reallyhatebananas
Summary: Because really, when it comes down to it, that's all he ever wants. ::Rookwood X Bagman; implied slash and violence::


**A/N:** …hi? Anyway. This is my entry for the 'Anything You Wanna Write' competition. **Unbeta****'****d** because I'm a really lazy person. Warnings for (very) _slightly __implied_ slash and murder.

Oh, and also, you'll probably be confused. That's _good_. This is meant as more of a 'snapshots' thing than an entire story. You're supposed to be left wondering about what exactly happened. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I really want a kitten. But I don't own one. Or Harry Potter.

)O(

"Sweetheart," he whispers, feeling something like fear quivering deep down inside, "what's going on?"

The room is empty and dark and stained. There's a boy in the corner – one with blond hair and blue eyes who's staring at Augustus with some strange mix of loathing and love.

"Go away."

Lips curl into a half smile as the brown-haired man shakes his head and rests his chin in both hands. "I'm not leaving. I lo – "

"Don't."

)O(

_He's a boy with brown hair and a lazy eye who loves chocolate more than life itself._

_He__'__s __born __in __mid-winter, __when __the __ground __is __wet __with __frost. __His __mum __is __sweet __and __pretty __and __kind, __and __his __father__'__s __long __gone. __Mum __tells __the __story __on __some __summer __nights__ – __how __the __ugly __man __with __the __beautiful __eyes __ran __out __in __a __flurry __of__ '_not mine' _and__ '_can't take' _which __really __meant__ '_I don't want you anymore'_._

_Sometimes, Augustus sees tears in his mother's eyes as she speaks. When that happens he'll sing to her in a high, clear voice, sending words warbling through the air even as the windows crust over with ice. It's cold in their house, up near the mountains of Scotland, but Mum won't move back to her hometown. She says it's for adult reasons – things like money and taxes and problems with the Minister, a portly man named Fudge. _

_Her eyes, though, tell a different story, and her son knows that London's taboo because that's where she met Daniel and her once-upon-a-time began._

)O(

He's not sure what, exactly, to do, but years of always being on the move have left him with a sort of insatiable energy. He sighs.

"How long have you known?"

Ludo Bagman stares at him with those blue, blue eyes and Augustus feels a trembling feeling deep down in his gut. He clarifies: "What exactly _do_ you know?"

When the answer comes he feels a burning sensation, a sort of prickling behind the eyes. It would have meant tears if they all weren't long dried up.

"Everything."

)O(

_He's just entered fifth year at Hogwarts and he's a bully in disguise._

_He__'__s __far __from __the __typical __Slytherin__ – __so __cheerful __and __open __that __he__'__s __somewhat __at __odds __with __the __rest __of __his __house. __His __bright __blue __eyes __and __ready __grin __tell __people __that__ '_yes, I'm friendly' _when __really __he__'__s __thinking __anything __but._

_Third period – because who needs Charms, anyway? – and he's holed up in his green-decked dormitory with a second year for company. The boy's bound by magic and his eyes are big and bright with fear._

Smile. Gently, now.

_He knows that the youngster will leave in a few hours with nothing – no bruises, or blood, or anything but a well-placed Obliviate. It's not that he enjoys tormenting others, not really. The heady rush comes with the knowledge that he's manipulated them; that something has happened because of what he's done. _

_That he's been able to take charge._

)O(

"I know about the killings."

Augustus shakes his head silently, willing Ludo to stop.

"I know that you're a spy."

_Stop. Please._

"I know – " the boy's words hitch on a sob and he raises and lowers his eyebrows as if trying to concentrate on anything but the words that are leaving his mouth. "I know about _that_."

His eyes are fixed pointedly on Augustus Rookwood's forearm, on which – underneath layers of clothing and charms – is a blackened snake that's hissing and writhing and pulsing with hate.

)O(

_He watches as his mother's eyes grow dark. "I loved him, sweetheart. I loved Daniel so much – but he left, and I couldn't stop him. It was like being – being powerless. And I'll always hate him for doing that to me. For leaving me feeling so out of control."_

_The little boy listens and learns._

)O(

"But how could you do it?" Ludo asks. His eyes are wide and fixed on Augustus and the older man feels something sour – like shame – coating his throat and his tongue.

"I – "

Ludo raises one hand and Augustus falls silent. "I mean – I know you, Gus, and you wouldn't just _kill __people_ – join You-Know-You – for some sick reason. You're not like that. You don't _like_ when people are hurt – Gus, what was your reason? It had to be a good one, right? You wouldn't – " he breaks off and closes his eyes.

Augustus wants to answer the other man, but his voice seems to have failed him.

"_Why, Gus? Why'd you do it?"_

There's nothing to say.

)O(

_The woman's shrieks send Augustus' thoughts into a cacophony of fear and confusion and pain and relief._

_He__'__s __hurting __her. __That__'__s _bad_. __He __imagines __her __as __his __mother, __with __brown __hair __and __beautiful __eyes, __and __feels __hot, __thick __guilt __pooling __in __his __gut._

_He doesn't enjoy watching others in pain._

_But he's in command – he gets to decide when the muggle hurts – and he's high off that power. He whispers something and a flash of green light bursts from his wand and suddenly there's nothing but silence._

_Silence._

_Silence that he caused._

_Fingers still clutching his wand, Augustus exhales heavily and a wide grin spreads across his face as, for the first time in his life, he feels fully in control._

)O(

He's a boy with brown hair and bright eyes filled with love. Augustus Rookwood is happy and content.

Sometimes, though, being content just isn't enough; there's still a great, gaping whole in his life that _happiness_ won't fill.

Sometimes he needs more.

)O(

_fin_

…

…

…yeah.


End file.
